Classical Teacher

Tenacious D

[JB & KG]
Hey Kage
How goes it man?
It's good, it's good
You know I've been thinkin' a lot about it
And um, I just want us to be the best fuckin' band in the world
Well, yeah, me too
I mean, there's no point in doin' it if we're not the best
Well, it's true, I agree with that
I mean what, what, we're gonna be, yeah we're really good
We're almost as good as Arcade Fire, fuck that
We gotta leave those fuckers in the dust
What, what do you mean?
All those fuckin' youngsters gotta lick our boot or fuck it
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, well how do we do that though?
Dude, you need to fuckin' have some lessons
You know you're really good, but you gotta expand your game
You know how Kobe, in the off-season, will go and like
Learn a fuckin', you know, a Texas-two-step or somethin'
To add to his arsenal?
Yeah, that's true, that's true
Well I've just been noticing
Some of your classic riffs are a little sloppy
Really? Huh
And I, I hope you're not pissed off at me
But I went and hired a dude
Oh no, what?
Dude, just give it a chance will you?
If you don't like, hey, I swear, if you don't like it
We'll fuckin' fire his ass, he's out
Who is this guy? I've never
His name is Felix Char
Oh, what?
He's from Spain and he is the best
I got him from the fuckin' London Field S'armonic
I just, I don't know him, it seems weird, I
Would you just, will you spend a minute with him?
Okay, alright, I'll spend a minute with him
He's right outside, I'm sending him in
Oh, God, okay
Why? Lessons, so stupid

[Felix Char & KG]
Hello, I am Felix Char
Hi, uh, Felix, yeah, who
Is, uh, Jack has asked me to spend some time with you
Oh, yeah, okay
Uh, one on one
So, while Jack is outside, we will work on your technique
Can I see your, pickup, eh, is this your guitar here?
Yeah, I got it right, I got it
Ah, it is a Fender, huh? Is this a fender?
Oh, well, it's a Gibson
Yes, a Gibson, yes, made by the same, uh, manufacturer
Pick it up, please, can you pick it up?
Okay, yeah
What? What'd I do? What'd I do?
You pick it up from the neck
This is not the way you pick up a guitar
I just picked it up, I just
No no, hey hey hey hey
Quiete tu boca
You pick it up from the body, okay?
The what?
The body
Oh the body, okay, okay
I'm sorry about my accent
I didn't know, I didn't know
Now listen to me
I want to you to play like it is a woman
You go and play the guitar now, play
Uhh, okay, uhh
No no no no no
Your fingers, your fingers are too tight
They're too tight?
Yes, let me get behind you like this, you see
If I put my finger on your finger, then you can feel
What? Hey, I can play, just
Just let me play
Finger to your mouth, I put my, my finger on your mouth
On your lips, yes that's good
Hey, man, what are you?
Relax, hey, you want to play like an orgasm
I'm just try, what?
Feel this, do you feel that?
Oh God, this is really weird man
That's, that's my cock
It's my cock in your butt cheeks
Oh God, hey!
You feel it?
Now I'm going to touch your cock, let me touch your penis

[JB & KG]
It's me, it's me
It's JB, there's no Felix dude
God, what are you doing?
There's no Felix
I'm fucking waking you up!
And trying to shake your foundations
By touching me with your penis?
Yes, by fucking touching your penis, whatever it takes
That's all I'm saying, dude, I'm making a point
Let's get fucking serious, let's get fucking physical!
Alright, let's take it from the top