Who Done It?

Harry Nilsson

It was a rainy night and all the windows were tight
And there were thirteen people in the house
The owner and his wife, the butler and his wife
Cook with her knife, a couple named Smythe.

The Andersons were there with another strange pair
And the scary caretaker and me
The clock struck one, there was the sound of a gun
And I heard somebody run away.

And the twelve who were alive had terror in their eyes
And I overheard the Andersons say...

'Who could have done it ?'
'Who could have done it ?'
And I wonder where's the cook and her knife
'Madam' - said Adam with his wife by his side
'It was the shot we heard that took her life'.

The other couple named Sloan and I ran to the phone
To call the police but just then
All the power went out and we heard a great shout
And we knew for someone else it was the end.

And when the power came on, we were shocked with alarm
For instead of being twelve, we were ten.

Who could have done it?
Who could have done it?
The Andersons were such a nice pair.

Now the owner and his wife, both afraid for their life
So they hurried to the door to run away
But before they got there, there was a whistle through the air
Then another, then they both had passed away.

There were seven of us left now, afraid of death now
But I knew it wasn't me or the Sloans
'Cause when the power went out and we heard the others shout
We were out there in the hallway on the phone.

That left the butler and his wife and the couple named Smythe
And the old scary caretaker too
So the Sloans and I, who were both afraid to die
Had to think of something quick we could do.

So we called the Smythes and the butler and his wife
And we gathered in the drawing room
But before we could call for the caretaker too
It was too late for he had met his doom.

It looked like poison.

That left five, five, five were still alive
The Sloans, the Smythes and myself
Once again the lights went out and I heard a great shout
From both the Smythes and the Sloans.

And then the lights came on again and I looked around again
And everybody was dead and I was alone.

Well, I must have passed out for the next thing I knew
I was awakened with my hands in chains
There was a man with a gun and he said: 'Don't bother, son'
'You'll have plenty of time to explain'.

I was rushed to a car, then taken to a cell
And a lawyer came in and said his name
He said: 'I'm sure you told the truth but the truth is, my boy'
'To believe in the judge would be insane'.

'Now before I pass sentence on you, have you anything to say?'
I said: 'Are you kiddin'?'
I said: 'This must be a dream' - I said: 'This can't be real'
'You don't believe a word that I've said'.

And then he looked me in the eye and said: 'Have mercy on his soul'
And I was hanged by the neck until dead, have mercy.

Hey, wait a minute, hey, stop
Hey, would you mind rewinding that last sentence?
I mean, hanged by the what?
Until when?
Hey, listen, I think you made a little, I mean I think you made a large mistake here
First of all, I was in Colorado having breakfast with a nun, OK?
What do you mean? There's nothing to get hung up about
I mean, you should be in here
Hey, you ever heard of the word appeal?
Well, I'm about to appeal you off that bench in a minute unless you change that decision
Listen, I got a lot, I mean I had a lot of friends in this town
Hey, I want to see my congress man.